Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
