She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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