He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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