a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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