So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
