the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize