YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
