Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
