I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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