i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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