my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
