omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
