help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
