a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
