I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
