either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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