I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
