i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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