Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
