She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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