Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
