Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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