The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
