So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
did i just pee glitter
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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