Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
