I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
