you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
