i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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