so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize