His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
