I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
