I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
