Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
