it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
