honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
