I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
