Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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