Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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