I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We are all done wearing pants today
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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