I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
