I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
