Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
