i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
