I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize