My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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