I will die if light touches me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
