Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
