I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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