My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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