Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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