I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
