Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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