the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
