I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
