My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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