some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize