Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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