I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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