I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
