Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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