you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
